


Anniversary Blowout

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [16]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Anniversaries, Assassins & Hitmen, Bad Singers, Balloons, Comedy, Cookies, Dogs, Gen, Iguanas, Lizards, Nosy Neighbors, Party, Robin Lord Taylor character, Streamers - Freeform, Telegrams, just kind of stupid, masochists, party favors, sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 13:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19357939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick and the Administrator celebrate their anniversary.





	Anniversary Blowout

**Author's Note:**

> The sixteenth in a time diverting and admittedly stupid series.
> 
> It's officially been a month since I started this silly, crazy, stupid series and I just wanted to celebrate by writing a little fic in honor of it!

They were sitting watching TV when, much to his surprise, the Administrator heard John Wick voice a question that had puzzled him for years.

"Why do mob wives always get botched plastic surgery?" Wick asked as he stared in confusion at the screen.

"I don't know," the Administrator replied shaking his head in bafflement.

"I mean, if I was a plastic surgeon working on the wife of a hardened criminal I'd try to make sure I didn't mess it up."

"Maybe it's the pressure?" the pencil pusher hazarded a guess.

John Wick thought about it for a moment longer. "Maybe the husband's are really mad at their wives and it's some sort of payback?"

The High Table employee thought as revenge schemes went it was pretty nasty and double edged.

"That reminds me," John Wick said.

"About what?" the Administrator inquired.

"It's our anniversary tomorrow."

"Oh," the pierced man uttered.

* * *

On his way home from the office, the Administrator picked up some favours from the local party store. He picked up a cake, not ice cream this time, and some chips and dip.

When he arrived home, John Wick immediately grabbed a party hat and stuck it on his dog's head.

"They were going to put him down, you know," the assassin stated. "I saved his life."

Looking at the poor creature in the stupid hat, the bureaucrat did not know if the dog would be grateful.

When Wick tried to put a hat on Toby, his roommate's pet iguana, it was too large, of course. The lizard though happily crawled inside it and took a nap.

* * *

The Administrator made up some cookies and put them in the oven. He was taking them out when there was a knock at the door. Both men exchanged a worry glance, fearing it was Mrs. Milner, their nosy and perverted neighbor.

John Wick lost at a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors and had to open the door. When he did, to his horror, he discovered a singing telegram girl.

She quickly burst into the room and started to unleash a horrid off-key song that consisted of the two words "Happy" and "Anniversary" over and over again. It was torture and the two men were in misery.

"This was sweet of you but you really didn't have to," John Wick said not impressed.

" _Me?_ " the Administrator said. "I thought you were the reason for this cruel and unusual punishment."

Seeing the fact that her prey was cluing in, the here-to-fore innocent seeming, yet horrible, entertainer pulled out her gun and was aiming for the assassin. Luckily she was as slow a hitman as she was lousy a singer and John Wick shot her dead before she had time to even reach the trigger.

"Thank you," the Administrator said.

"I would have probably done it anyway," the hitman confessed. "Bathtub?"

"Bathtub," the Administrator said.

"I'll phone Charlie in the morning," Wick said as he went to hide the body in the tub.

The High Table stamper returned to the kitchen to find John Wick's dog consuming the last of the cookies. The Administrator glared at the hitman as he entered the room.

"Your dumb dog ate my cookies," the Administrator scowled.

"Imagine," John Wick pondered. "All this time living together and I always thought you were a man."

The Administrator smirked and threw the cookie sheet at him

* * *

It was still very early by the time both men sat down to the task of decorating. The Administrator decided to tackle the streamers while giving Wick the job of blowing up the balloons. The bureaucrat hadn't even started hanging them when he looked over at Wick, sitting on the floor; he was surrounded by very pathetic and half-blown up things that looked on the verge of deflation.

"What the hell is this?" the Administrator asked, coming to stand by the man, his hands on his hips.

"I guess, I should tell you that I have a fear of balloons," the hitman confessed.

"Who the hell has a fear of balloons?" the bureaucrat asked in frustration.

"It's okay when they are already done but when I have to do it I'm afraid of that moment when I'll add too much air and it will blow up in my face," Wick grimaced.

The Administrator shook his head. "You go and take care of what I was doing; I'll handle the balloons. You don't have a fear of accidentally strangling yourself with streamers, do you?"

"No. I'm good," Wick stood and went over to where the Administrator had left his unstarted work.

After a few minutes, the bureaucrat did finally reach a balloon that he breathed in to too much and it did blow up in his face. To be honest, the piercings didn't help in the endeavor either. It stung a little bit as the rubber flew and hit his nose, but being a masochist the pencil pusher found to his delight he enjoyed it. To John Wick's annoyance the other man proceeded in blowing up and bursting balloon after balloon.

"It sounds like that time I misplaced my silencer," the assassin complained.

Suddenly another knock sounded from the door.

"I got the last one," Wick said looking down at his roommate sitting on the floor lost amid the scattered remains of three bags of balloons.

The pencil pusher stood and walked to the door, feeling the ramifications in his smoker lungs of having blown up one too many balloons.

When he opened the door, he found Mrs. Milner standing there with a curious expression. The High Table worker wanted to explain but found it difficult to find the strength. Out of breath, the pierced man could only manage to get out a few words. _"Sorry...anniversary...spent all day...blowing."_

Mrs. Milner looked at the handsome form of John Wick standing in the background.

She looked at the Administrator and smiled. "Honey, who could blame you?"


End file.
